Forget-Me-Nots and Marigolds

alecwinmill:

My friend/role model/former intern wrangler, Jason Jacobson of Absolute Marketing Group/stand up comedy fame, puts the ND Tourism ad controversy in some pretty amazing context. Check it out:

About the whole North Dakota “Legendary” ad fiaso:

It’s cool with North Dakotans if we’re the punchline. We’re used to it.

North Dakota is the Nickelback of states. Hipsters scoff, mainstream laughs, but secretly people like us.

How do we know? Because we’re rich.

While you all were maced occupying Wall Street, the few people who occupy this state were working. You all had a recession and we’ve got a 40 billion dollar surplus.

What am I going to do on my $30,000 a year salary? Oh yeah, I’m going to pay my $600 a month mortgage on my 1200 square foot house.

Frankly, I applaud the agency that made those tourism ads. Were they good? Not at all. But big ups to North Dakota finally realizing we have a lot more going on in this state than Teddy Roosevelt tributes.

I mean Teddy Roosevelt was born in Georgia. He only used North Dakota as ranch to hunt from time to time. Thankfully our tourism bureau realizes it’s time to move on. You’d never see Wisconsin say, “Come visit Wisconsin - the place where Abraham Lincon scratched his balls 200 years ago.”

North Dakota’s a hard sell. It’s cold. It’s flat. And compared to mountains or the neon jungle of city life, it’s not all that much to look at. But we’ve got intangibles.

Do you know how many deadbolts I have on my house? One.
Do you know what the combination to my bike lock is? Me neither. I don’t use it.

Most of the people who live here have German and Scandinavian ancestry. That means our women are some of the most beautiful in the world. I’ve traveled to other places. Our top 100 women are better looking than your top 10.

You people on the coast prance around in bikinis to show off. Our women can seduce us through a sweater and come summer when they don the swimwear, we go “That’s even better than what I imagined!”

From a beauty standpoint, the Kardashians would have to keep up with us.

But our women wouldn’t be out there trying to compete in the first place. They’re working while going school, because in North Dakota, being hot is a bonus, not a profession.

Visit our state and an outsider would be like “does Heidi Klum have a sister and why is she working at Applebees?” To us, her name is Nicole and she’s studying to be a social worker.

Second, you hear about North Dakota nice. It’s a little passive aggressive at times, but you never go out of your way to crush someone. Why? Because you never know who’s going to drive by when you’re ass-end-up in a ditch. Stranger danger? How ‘bout stranger life saver. Would you “cool” states stop to help a stranger, get out of your car when it’s below zero and sink waist deep in snow to help tow? I don’t want to find out.

Lastly, North Dakota’s kinda boring by Coastal Standards.

“Can I get an organic acai berry smoothy with a shot of aloe.”

I’m sorry we don’t have organic acai berry. We’ve got regular acai berry.

“Ah, you hicks!”

We’re not cutting edge. We’re not main stream. But we certainly aren’t out of the loop. We take nothing for granted. Every time we leave this state is an adventure. We’ll drive four hours to walk through an IKEA and make a weekend of it if we want to hit up Trader Joe’s.

So we don’t have the most amazing selection of home-grown fruits and vegetables. We’ve got home-grown potatoes. Hells yes. It’s good enough for us.

“Did you see this ad of North Dakota pretending to have a night life like they heard about in Vegas? What idiots.”

Idiots? I went to Vegas. I paid to walk into one of the finest gentlemen’s clubs in the US. A $30 cover and $35 for a double shot? I paid $75 to not catch a buzz and see “well, it’s a living” boobs.

In my town, $75 is a dinner for two, four rounds and a taxi back to my HOUSE where I can actually touch a date.

Our booze is cheap because we drink so much of it. We party harder than any other state in the Union, go to school, get jobs and continue to throw it down like we’re pledges.

Art? Music? Entertainment? If we don’t have it, we build it. We’ve got talent coming out of the woodwork because we don’t have to follow the trends set by your clandestine urban hipsters. North Dakotans make it up as we go. It’s the freeing sort of creativity you guys have to attend lectures and swanky art schools in order to experience.

Do you want to know if you’ve made it as a national performer? You’ll do a show one of the four or five arenas in our state. We’re a tertiary market at best. If you can’t sell out, it’s cause this flyover state doesn’t know who you are. Keep your egos checked.

We’re not culturally ignorant either. We’ve got the Internet too…in our homes. And wait for it, we also have smartphones and tablets. We know what’s trending, we are just too polite to call bull shit on every fly-by-night fad.

North Dakota is a kick ass state. I might think differently if it wasn’t my home. But it is. I’m proud to live here. Some of my friends have left. More have stayed.

There’s a chance someone you know is from North Dakota. Talk to them. They’ll mention all of our flaws first. Next, they’ll probably make a Fargo movie reference in the “oh-yeah-you-betcha” voice that we feel expected to do in order to appease outsiders.

But ask these native North Dakotans if they wish they would’ve rather grown up anywhere else.

My bet is no.

This right here is perfect! 

Do I complain about ND? Yes.

Do I want to move somewhere else and see what’s out there? Yes.

But I honestly couldn’t imagine having grown up anywhere else.  I really think that this was a great place to grow up, but I was also lucky enough to have parents that made sure I was in no way sheltered growing up.  I traveled a lot when I was younger, experienced the culture of many cities and countries.  (Traveling is still one of those things that I have to do otherwise I feel restless.)  If I ever have a family (still I kind of big if) I really think I would consider coming back here to raise my kids.  (My mom did the same thing.  She traveled and lived in a bunch of places before she came back here and got married and now that my brother and I are out of high school I really think she’ll move somewhere else but she always said she knew that this was the right place to raise a family.)  You always hear about “stranger danger” and I grew up knowing to be careful, but I never felt afraid.  I grew up in a small town where you pretty much knew everyone, and everyone looked out for each other.  I wasn’t raised by just my parents, I was raised by my family and the community.  I lived near both sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins.  And the community was also very supportive.  Every athletic event, concert, performance, etc. the community turned up.  If a family suffered some sort of tragic event the community would come together to help.  I think a lot of people miss out on what a great thing that can be to have that sort of support system. 

And will I probably move someone else once I am done with college?  Yes, but every time I leave there is always a sense of calm that I get when I return.